Taylor asks: My dad has Alzheimer’s, we took away his credit cards to avoid any unplanned charges but now he gets upset every time he opens his wallet and doesn’t see the cards. He gets angry at us kids for not trusting him with his own money. What can I say to get him to understand that it’s not a good idea for him to have them?
Losing independence is a very emotional time for anyone that is aging or suffering from a disease. Parents especially feel resentment to their children when they are told they cannot do certain things. When it comes to adapting to changing needs, it is best to take the time to try to understand how they feel. It is the same way you’d feel if your child claimed they knew better than you. A lot of patience is key. Throwing Alzheimer’s into the mix complicates things because your dad may not remember that you have already had the conversation about the credit cards or may not have the ability to process the emotions. It is not his fault he cannot remember and it is best not to continually remind him that this conversation has already happened. A suggestion would be to leave the credit cards in his wallet, but cancel them. This way your dad won’t be triggered every time he opens his wallet. If he does try to use the card, and it then gets declined you can offer to look into it for him. This plan would be best if your dad doesn’t regularly use the cards, but just likes to know they’re there for emergencies. This may not work for everyone but when it comes to adapting to Alzheimer’s, trial and error is key. *If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message! *All information is meant as advice based on personal experience and should not be referred to as medical data.
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What makes us unique as individuals is our backgrounds, traditions, cultures, and customs. Our aging population makes up a large portion of first and second generation immigrants that hold stories of their ancestors and cultural traditions close to their hearts. Our life experiences are what shapes us and they should not be ignored as we age but rather maintained and cherished. Some elderly are lucky enough to be physically and mentally able to sustain independence as they age. For many, illness takes control of day to day life and the ability to sustain customs and traditions that shaped who they are becomes difficult.
For those that develop a need for assistance, unfortunately a loss of individuality may follow. The physical and/or mental ailment many times becomes the person’s new identity. They become the grandmother with Alzheimer’s, the family friend with cancer, or the client with a bad hip. It is important for the caregiver, whether it be family, friend, private, home care, hospice, or facility to remember that every person has a story to tell and deserves to express themselves through their entire life. They shouldn’t have to stop practicing customs because of inability to drive, cook, or perform activities of daily living. More importantly, no person should be categorized by their ailment or case number but have their individuality acknowledged and heard. In a world where everything is fast paced and technology driven, let’s not forget to slow down and hear what our elders have to say. Stories of what life was like before reality TV, cell phones, and computers. When you talked to people face to face, took your time to make sure things were done right, and asked questions and read books to learn new information. Music has been proven to comfort and bring back memories, take the time to find music that person resonates with. Write down recipes, ask questions about special diets. If someone has a special diet whether it be religious, health, or personal choice restrictions, learn as much as you can in order to respect their diet. Ask questions about holiday traditions and help them celebrate in a way that comforts them. You may be the only person they have to help them rekindle old family traditions that date back for centuries. Cultural or religious differences should not hinder the learning process but rather ignite it. It is our duty to not categorize our elders by their age or ailments but to preserve their stories, customs and traditions to help shape our futures. Memory loss is often characterized as a common, typical side effect of aging. It is important to know and understand the difference between typical memory loss due to aging and warning signs of Alzheimer’s or other dementias.
Some common signs of typical age related memory loss include:
It is vital to recognize early signs of Alzheimer’s to get diagnosed early and be able to make a plan. The following are several warning signs attributed to Alzheimer’s or other dementia's:
Although a cure for Alzheimer’s and other dementia's has not been found yet, early detection is still important. Do not hesitate to see your doctor, a “senior moment” could be just that but better to have all the correct information. If you or your loved one is diagnosed, you can take the time to visit the correct specialists, begin medication or treatment that can prolong independence and slow down the effects. This will also give you time to talk about a plan, what will your loved one want to do once they are unable to make decisions for themselves? Will they want to stay at home with the help of caregivers or move in with you? What is their financial situation? Do not leave yourself with the burden of making these decisions without their guidance. Receiving an Alzheimer’s diagnosis can be scary, confusing, and stressful but by knowing and understanding the signs you can utilize precious time you may have otherwise lost. Finally not having to work and getting to relax all day, everyday sounds pretty great right? For many older adults, this stage of life can be very freeing. Socializing with friends at the local community center, baking goodies for the grand kids, watching their favorite shows any time of day, finally taking those trips they always wanted to with their spouse. This is what they call the golden years, but for many this is the most depressing time of their lives. Not every older adult has the desire to do activities at the community center or doesn't have the means to get there. Many have families that live out of state and only get to see their kids and grand kids on birthdays and holidays. Watching television and reading can only entertain for so long, and if a spouse has passed away those long anticipated trips don't seem so exciting anymore.
Detecting depression in older adults by knowing the signs and symptoms ahead of time can be life saving, both physically and emotionally. Common red flags include; sadness, fatigue, reluctance to engage in activities or social interaction,lack of motivation or energy, weight loss or loss of appetite, skipping meals, forgetting or not caring to take medicine properly, neglecting personal hygiene, concentration problems, slow movement and speech not related to an illness, lack of or too much sleep, aggravated pain, loathing, feelings of worthlessness, fixation on death and dying, and feelings of hopelessness. Your loved one is not likely to come to you with any concerns of depression. As they may be embarrassed, do not want to burden you, or they may not even realize it. Depression does not have to go hand in hand with aging, there are many ways you can help. It is not as simple as telling mom she needs to go make some friends at the community center. Maybe she cannot drive anymore, has physical limitations, has had cognitive decline and is embarrassed or scared to sound "stupid", she could just not feel like herself since dad passed away, or maybe she just does not want to go. Older adults often lose a sense of identity, their kids are grown up, they do not work anymore, they have no real sense of purpose. Ignoring or not listening to what is really going on can be dangerous. So what is the solution? It is important to speak to your doctor as many illnesses and/or their medications may be the cause of depression. Dementia specifically has many similar early warning signs as depression, so it is vital to get appropriate medical attention. As for what you can do non-medically, it may be as simple as scheduling time with your loved one. They will have something to look forward to and get to see you face to face. There are many things you can do with them such as take a walk, go through old family photos, listen to their stories, if mom is a great cook ask about her recipes, go to community events such as plays, help look into new activities and social groups or just talk. No matter what you do, what is important is that you make sure it is something they want to do, that brings them a sense of purpose and most of all is fun! For many it is not so simple to find extra time between taking care of the kids, after school events, work, spending time with your spouse, cleaning the house, cooking, and so on. Hiring a home care agency can be an amazing benefit to take some weight off of your shoulders. A caregiver can help prepare healthy meals, make sure medication is taken properly, help with household chores, assist with bathing, assist with safe exercises, provide transportation to the community center or a friend's home for a game of cards, and most importantly provide companionship. Home care does not need to be just for those that cannot help themselves, it can be a great way to relieve depression. Know the signs and take action. Don't let your loved ones golden years be gray. |
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