Stacy M asks:  My dad has dementia and has been experiencing hallucinations. I try to tell him they are not real but he does not believe me and gets frustrated. What should I do to get him to believe me?

Dealing with hallucinations can be a very touchy subject. Do you agree and get wound up in the story or try to snap the person out of it? We have found that it is generally best to play along. People suffering from dementia tend to get agitated because they cannot express themselves properly. Telling them that what they clearly see or believe is not real is only going to agitate them more. Consider how you would feel if someone constantly told you that you were wrong and reminded you that your perception of reality was wrong. 

​This is not a matter of proving them right or wrong, this is a matter of keeping them calm. If your dad is experiencing a happy hallucination, what is the harm in playing along? If he thinks the Queen is in his living room, offer her tea. If the hallucination is causing stress, panic, or fear then help them escape the situation. If they believe a bad guy is in the house, then tell the bad guy to leave or take dad to another room where it is safe. This is a difficult topic because we are really never sure what the person is seeing or feeling. Living with dementia is hard enough, so the most important thing to keep in mind, is to always try to alleviate the stress and not agitate it.


*If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message!


*All information is meant as advice based on personal experience and should not be referred to as medical data.

Laura S asks: My mother has dementia and she doesn’t make much sense anymore. She get anxious and starts fixating on things or gets agitated but sometimes she just says the most off the wall things and I really want to laugh. Is it okay to laugh at my mom’s confusion?
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This answer is completely based on personal experience, we feel that there are probably arguments for both sides. We believe that yes, it is okay to laugh. It is extremely difficult and draining to watch someone you love suffer from dementia. When your mom is anxious or frustrated and you’re doing your best to help, but nothing works, you may feel defeated. When she doesn’t remember your children’s names or thinks you’re still a small child, you may feel defeated. When she doesn’t remember how to properly use the toilet or how to dress herself, you may feel defeated. When she says something off the wall in a moment of tension, laugh. Laugh because you need to, she needs you to.

Of course,  there is a difference between laughing at her struggle and laughing at something silly she says but you are not laughing at her struggle, you are just releasing energy. If you stop laughing once your parent gets sick, you too will end up sick in one way or another.  She may even start laughing once she sees you laughing and it may be a laugh you haven’t heard in a long time. Dementia is scary and relentless, take the time to laugh with your mother. Those are the memories you want to make. She may not recognize you or know what day of the week it is, but she will see your smile and be comforted for those few moments.


If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message!


*All information is meant as advice based on personal experience and should not be referred to as medical data.