James T. asks:
"A friend of mine’s mother recently started needing more help with things like bathing, dressing, and general household duties. His mother’s housekeeper just stepped in and started coming more often to help her with these things. My mother is going to need more help soon too, and I want to know what the difference is between having a family friend or housekeeper help and hiring an agency. I don’t see much of a difference." Lily's Reply: It may seem like the housekeeper or family friend is a better match than a stranger from an agency but there are a few things to consider. Does the housekeeper have any experience or training in elder care? It all may seem so common sense but there are techniques to doing things the “caregiver way” that come with experience and further ensure safety. Another issue to keep in mind when utilizing just one person is, what do you do if they cannot come to work or have a personal issue requiring time off? Who is going to fill in for them? Already being comfortable with someone is absolutely a huge plus but keep two things in mind. Firstly, there may be boundaries that the housekeeper crosses by being a friend that make it difficult to resolve issues or to let them go if something isn’t going great. Secondly, if things do go wrong, you not only lose a housekeeper and caregiver, but a close friend. Most importantly, caregivers through an agency are bonded and the company is insured. If a caregiver causes damage to the home or something goes missing, you are covered. If this happens with a friend, you are likely not protected. We do understand that in some cases, there is no room in the budget to hire someone and having family or a friend step in is the only option. You also don't have to choose one or the other if you need more help, you can have both. At the end of the day, your parent’s safety is most important and ultimately, the decision is yours on what works best for you. If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message! *All information is meant as advice based on personal experience and should not be referred to as medical data.
0 Comments
Maryanne W. asks:
"I take care of both of my parents. I moved them both in with me after my dad got diagnosed with cancer. My mom has been in a wheelchair for 5 years and does what she can but is obviously limited. I still work, so I have a caregiver come to my home a few days a week while I am gone but I am the primary caretaker. My question is, what do I do when I feel like I am just going to explode? I cannot afford anymore care, so that is not an option. I am used to taking care of them and genuinely love spending time with them but sometimes I just feel helpless and overwhelmed. I just want to scream." Lily's Reply: Scream. Scream as loud as you need to. Constantly putting others before yourself is hard and you deserve to let out some of the frustration. You are not the only one that feels this way and there is no reason to feel guilty. Every caregiver, professional or family, at one time or another feels like they have lost control, like they are lost. You have to stop and take care of yourself. We understand that spending more money for more care is not an option and that is often the reality for most. Here’s what you can do though, have the caregiver stay an extra hour once a week. It won’t cost much and you can look forward to that hour every week to go do whatever you want. Go for a run, meet up with a friend, or just go for a drive. Whatever it is that makes you feel like yourself again, do it. Don’t do it once every few months or once you feel like you’re on the verge of a meltdown, do it regularly. If you genuinely love spending time with your parents, then don’t allow yourself to lose that. You will grow resentful if you don’t take time for yourself and will miss out on so many happy memories because you were mentally checked out. Families often tell mothers of young children to take the night off, to take a break while they watch the kids. Why should it be any different just because they are your parents? Let yourself enjoy your time with them by letting yourself breath. If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message! *All information is meant as advice based on personal experience and should not be referred to as medical data. Alex D asks:
"My mom lives alone and I love our phone conversations when I can’t visit but lately she hasn’t been answering or using the phone as often. She is in good health but you just never know what could happened and I get so anxious every time she doesn’t answer. Why is she avoiding the phone?" Lily's Reply: The answer could be fairly simple. She could be having vision or hearing problems and not sharing them with you. Many people do not want to admit when they start losing vision and hearing, especially those that are independent. If the number buttons on the phone are too small, she might be getting agitated because she constantly hits the wrong number therefore avoiding the phone all together because it makes her feel incompetent. There are lots of products out there made specifically for the elderly that can easily fix this problem. You can buy telephones with very large numbers that have a place for a person’s picture next to a speed dial button. That way she can just push the button next to your face when she wants to call you. These phones also ring longer and louder than usual, offering enough time to get to the phone. A similar product that can be helpful is a large clock with the date in large numbers attached. This avoids confusion or frustration when trying to make plans and provides convenience by putting the date and time all in one place. Also for those that misplace their glasses and hearing aids regularly, these products can be a big help. *If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message! Mark C asks: It is time for my dad to hang up the car keys for good but he insists he is fine and continues to drive. We have had the conversation about not driving several times but he just gets more and more irritated with me. If I take away his keys, he pulls out one of the many spares he has hidden. I am scared for his life and others, what else can I do?
This is a common problem, as many elderly are not ready to admit it is time to retire from driving. It is a big loss of independence and blow to their pride. Different techniques work for different people, some like to keep it in the family and bug mom or dad until they give in. Some just take the car away completely even if it means hurting their relationship. The key is to not make mom or dad feel like a child, like you are taking a toy away because they misbehaved. Sometimes it best to get help outside of the family. There are many programs across the country, some associated with the police, which are designed to handle these situations and provide proper information. Here at Lily Home Care, we are involved in such a program that will send someone to your home, evaluate your family member’s driving based on specific criteria, and decide if is safe to drive. We will take on the burden of that stressful conversation and are trained with the correct techniques to deal with the most stubborn of drivers. *If you have a question for Lily, send us an email or join our Facebook page to send a message! *All information is meant as advice based on personal experience and should not be referred to as medical data. |